Seeking Him Together - Week One

It's Saturday night and I worked through all the chapters!!!...after reading how Court suggested we post weekly, I thought I'd start us off by answering one of the questions...although I must say, I'm feeling pretty gabby right now after all that studying!!!

Opening It Up...(I think we all answer this one to start the discussion)

1. Why have you chosen to participate in the study on seeking God and personal revival?

Initially, I chose to be part of this study group to re-bond with all of you, and try something new...honestly, my intention was not to grow stronger in Faith, or in my relationship with the Lord...I know, wrong answer, but I'm being honest here...I am VERY closed-mouthed about my "walk" because I have been made fun of and had to defend my belief in God for many years...The French family used to make jokes when I prayed or made reference to God, Heaven, attended services, etc...so it became easier to worship privately in secret. Ironically, my Faith kept me sane and at peace throughout those years, and now that I am home and safe, I am strong enough, once again, to defend my relationship with Him. (just a little FYI...Anthony just walked in and saw what I was doing, and after I explained, he said that I am wasting my time on bullshit and left the room) BUT, back to my point...sorry...While completing days 1 thru 5, I realized something when I read "or Bible knowledge without a relationship with Christ" (Day 4 - page 11)...well... I have a relationship with Christ WITHOUT Bible knowledge...or I should say... limited Bible knowledge...just that alone, should speak volumns of why I am here...initially, my heart brought me here to seek all of you, but now I realize I need to know more about the Man I'm in a relationship with.

Talking It Over

1. Before beginning this study guide, what did you think "revival" was? How has your view of revival changed thus far?

I never really gave "revival" much thought...I have a few text book definitions in my head such as; an awakening, to revive. Honestly, when that word pops in my head, I think of when I was little, and seeing white tents around town (a few times a year) where people flocked to hold religious services, leaving me with negative images of people flopping around on the ground and holding their hands up while speaking in tongues and crying...scary stuff for this gal!
After studying, I have a different perspective on the word...I've been slapped by the word more then once while completing the first 15 pages of this study...ESPECIALLY, pages 12-15...So, if I return to my first "text book" definition, then it's right on the money when I apply it to my walk with God...and I am realizing that my relationship with him is built on a shacky foundation, that could crumble at any minute...Revival, and the study of, has awakened me to change, learn, and grow personally and spiritually from knowledge of truely knowing God.

Teacher's pet..... I wanna be teacher's pet!
I will be back when I can concentrate.... It is too late! You know me, always causing trouble!

MEOW!!

Don't be afeared Chrissy Bird, you'll have your chance at being "pet"...My work schedule is crazy next week, and I'll be laggin in da back again!! Besides, I was a fearin Court and her

Thanks Shelaroo for your comments.
I guess I have some weird feelings about the word
revival too! I am really appreciating this study and
I liked the little quote on page 2 that said "I thought I was going to get away from the Lord but he went right along with me!"...
I would say that even in my very dry spiritual state, I did not
feel that God has left my side.
I also liked the quote that says revival awakens our hearts to increased awareness of the presence of god....sounds like what I need!!!!
Truly, it is hard when your mate is not appreciative of your spiritual walk.
It is true with me too but I think Andrew and I are comming to a point of acceptance
on how eachother believes. I have been afraid of him comming in and making fun
of what I am doing but he has not which I appreciate.
Love you ladies, truly!
Doe

Happy Monday, Girls!
I'm at work, but thought I'd take a few moments to comment on what we're s'posed to commenting on. I think I'm a day late...

Seeking Him together:
1. Why have you chosen to participate....
I sort of feel like I didn't choose to participate, but I was chosen... God sought me out through Court.
I have had a pretty rough year, but I never felt angry at God or blamed Him for what happened with my son. I have felt, however, that He was punishing me for not being a better mom, a better Christian, a better whatever... I haven't wanted to completely open my heart to Him because I was afraid of the emotion that would come out.
But in the last few months, I have felt a softening of my heart, and Court's invitation to join this study came at the perfect time.
I had the same thoughts about the word "revival" -- the white tents, people speaking in tongues and flopping around on the ground - You are Heeeealed! But this quote hits the nail on the head: Revival awakens in our hearts an increased awareness of the presense of God..." page 13. I feel my heart awakening!
I know as we all go through this study, it'll get easier and easier to hear God speaking to us. I'm excited to see the changes He'll make in my life!

GOODMORNING LOVELY LADIES!

How was everybody's weekend and Halloween? For those on my space, Shel posted a nice summary of that particular holiday's new challenges. Mass, non-English speaking, street clothes wearing, impolite- give-me-er's. A few years ago, I rather enjoyed the half cocked, white trashy woman holding her Coors Light in one hand with the plastic Wal Mart bag in the other requesting candy for herself..she older than I and not in costume. Actually, what she was wearing could work in that it fit the aforementioned label. The empty beer can was found the next morning by the front door. "BOYS..do not pick that up!". As I type this out I realize this ought to be deleted as it really has no place in the bible study format! Let me excuse myself but not make excuses! Maybe this gave someone a little laugh anyway.



Before I begin sharing my personal answer to Week 1's lesson... Just wanna say thanks for Shel for all she shared above. She has a way of revealing herself that neatly wraps some of her past, what's happening in the present and where she wants to go in the future into a tidy package for us all to know. It's great to feel that investment in this group and what we're doing! Same goes for Heavy D. I want to share that in the past I had my share of negativity from my husband. I remember being made fun of for listening to Christian radio/music. He also made these arguments for NOT going to church, reading the bible, et: "I don't have to go to church, I know what I believe!"-- "It takes up our whole morning!"--"You don't change anyway, and your're a Christian!", "I've already read the entire bible, I don't need to read it again!", "That music's o.k but I can't listen to it all the time!". So for a while there, these are a few of the comments I'd hear altho, he would often go to church with me but I took the initiative to go and I really think he went with me to make sure I wasn't there alone, if you know what I mean. I spent alot of time looking around at other Christian married couples feeling envious. Almost no one knew my own stuggle to be there and be there with him! My heart ached for what I knew Christ would do in our lives together if we would be together on this. None of which was unimportant. Such as: save our marriage!, grow our kids in God and His ways, offer ourselves as examples for what NOT to do and then what Christ CAN do! In the past 5 years I have seen great changes in my man. After having the twins; I would often be dead tired on Sundays and need to . Honestly girls, everyday I needed to as the twins have ezcema and cried me awake night after night for half my nights. Vic would get the boys dressed and take them to church on his own sometimes. OR, he would say that we're going to go to church and if I could manage it, I would also go. I really missed going and needed the inspiration of being around other believers and singing and being lifted by the message. It would be three long years before my boys would begin to through the night. But, that's a whole other story and I think you get the jist of it already. One day, Vic came home after service and had two books with him. I said; "what's that?".. he replied, "oh, so and so are doing a small group study and are reading this book..I thought if you want to, we can join them"..I tried to contain my excitment and be casusal, "oh yea, is that something you want to do?!".."sure!". Which began our being a part of a small group where...(answer to prayer!.. Vic was around other Christian men who shared their hearts, stuggles and God's word for right living...and we were with other couples (which friendships have never been much of a priority to Vic) and there it was.. God's work, God's timing...His way (not mine) and not of my influence, pushy-ness that comes so naturally to we women! I was happy beyond words. And in many ways; reading material about marriage, talking and sharing with other couples, having get-together's with them was all was what I'd ever wanted. Did that make things perfect for us..NO! Did it make things better for us, YES! But, right now we are in no small group, I am not in a women's study and we are in and out of church. So, what happened? We've made choices and are living with them. I have to say; things ain't easy in some big ways since letting ourselves "go" in the spiritual department. Maybe you all can attest to this? And this as well.. that when we went to church yesterday and afterwards and for the rest of the day there is more kindness, respect and love shown toward eachother from all of us. Think it a coinkidink? I think not. We had the Word placed on our hearts from the message, we showed the Lord honor in singing our praises out to Him, we met with friends and were hugged and shared what's happening in our lives for a few after service, we gave money to charity w/our boys picking out where it went. How can one leave and not feel the spirit working after such a experience. Yet there are weekends we say to ourselves that we don't have time or it messes with our agenda for the day. Instead I, we ought to think about how about how it messes w/my marriage to not go or maybe that I kept my kids from hearing about God's love and plan for their lives and having friendships with other kids that know about God, too. I know this sounds harsh but I am kicking my own butt here, not yours, K?!

I wrote alot here and I hope it's not too much. Believe me, on this topic there is much more I could add. I just really want to encourage those that have a man in their life that is fighting against the Lord. It is especially hard for men to relinguish control or to believe that they need "saving". But, our God created them and He knows what they need in order to come to Him and He made a God-shaped hole in each of us and only HE can fill it. There's a song that says exactly this. We can be prayerful for eachother's husbands and that the Lord would work in their heart. If ever you need an ear or someone to pray with.. I'm here for you!

O.K..so why did Court share all of that stuff? In part..here's why.

Page:17 number 6. Read Hosea 10:12-13 aloud. Review the seven-point summary of Hosea's message on page 6. If you're willing, explain to the group how one point of the sermon applies to you personally.

* Return to our former lifestyle of righteousness, to a time when you were close to God and obeyed His Word.

* Allow God to plow up the hardened ground of your hearts, especially in those areas where you have long neglected His Will.

* Ponder the consequences of the sin that you are experiencing.

* Make seeing God your highest pursuit.

So, I have to step up my game in the spiritual department. How can I address these that doesn't make me carry on like above..hum??!! Between our study and a book I'm reading "The Shack" and the holy spirit speaking to my heart..I realize that the area (my marriage) and person (my husband) that I most desire help with from God first needs me to 1) Return 2) Allow God to plow my hardened heart (and trust Him) 3) Look at myself and take responsibility for MY part, MY sin issues 4) Seek only God in this thing that is bigger than myself. Keep my eyes on the prize..living for the will of the Father.

I think it all comes down to trust. Do I believe that God has my (our) back and will take care of me even if it's not by taking pain away or that progress doesn't happen on my watch or that my marriage isn't what I want it to be or think it should be or even that my kids will be covered by Him in our hardships together thoughout our life.


We know HE is a loving God who is worthy of our trust or atleast we say we know that. Do I believe it fully, in all things? Do I trust Him to take care of me if I truly let go of the reins? Can I be that humble? And really, are we ever truly in control anyway? I feel that God is pushing my buttons on this. Who am I to you, Court? Do you believe what you say you believe about Me? Do you think if you make a move to do this or that, it will make things better or benefit you more than I can? Why don't you trust me enough to obey me? WHO are you serving? Why do you think you have more rights than I in your life? (I can almost cry now!). Seriously. God is bitch-slapping me these past few days. I'm not taking it very well to be honest girls! And, yes..it may be my pms week and that plays into this. But, really I know God is bigger than my pms and he ain't no fool for what I need to know about him and what he wants from me! Please pray for me that I may have joy in His correction and not move as the Lord chastens me. I know that He is good, loving, just and has my (our) back. Even when it hurts. Even so, I have to give up my rights to myself. What I want or think I need. Die to the self. It's painful and if feels so right to stand our ground when things or people hurt us. Can I do it? Would you do it? What do you think the Lord asks of us as His own?

But the greater question is; can I stay on a bucking bronco?!



Love each of you!

Wow. That's all I can say. Thanks, Court, for writing all that. I know we talked some about it on the phone, too, but it really does say a lot that I've been thinking/feeling.
It's definitely hard to "let go" and let God be in control. Of course, he's always in control, but He lets us FEEL like we are, and it's hard to give that up!

One of the things that spoke to me in this lesson, too, was about seeking out "like-minded" people. My Weight Watchers leader also talked about that! Funny how it parallels. She even talked about how David slayed Goliath, but he wasn't the only one who slayed giants. He hung around other giant-slayers. Which is what we are doing with this study!

I'll be prayin' for you girls that have the nay-sayers makin' fun of you. Stay strong, and maybe the light that's a-shinin' in you will turn on something in them!

WHEW! I'll be back girls with the 7 point summary, all I know is it kicked my
boo-tay when I read it. Thanks Court for all the sharin'......do I feel submissive???
uhhhh....not really. Is that good??? Not really...hmmmm

*Deep, Deep, Breath, and eyes a-burnin*

Moni...I want to say that you are by far, the strongest woman I know...I don't throw those words around easily, as I am a tough judge when it comes to womenfolk and moms...just you being here, speaks in itself...yet, imagining you watching your screen as you write the word "son", and knowing how deep that word goes into your soul in so many ways, is inspiring...Thank You for being a part of this family, and allowing me personally into your heart by sharing yourself here.

Court you are amazing, and you put into words, what I can only think in a jumbled heap of chaos...On a personal note: hummm...where to begin...I have prayed, hoped, shed tears, begged, pretended to not care, and ignored Anthony's "ways"...OK, forget the explaination, it's late and I'm tired on so many levels...Soooo...I've deceided to proceed with the divorce...I've kept this to myself, but out with it...so there! After two years separation, it's time for me to move on up. That's why I work so hard...right now I am supporting every member in my family, including A-...and I need to be given back to.

There were so many times I wished A- would be a VIC-tory...ha ha get it?...OK fatigue...anyway, I too, was envious of other couples, and hoped for years our marriage could be deeper then two "pretty people reproducing to make the genetically perfect family" as per A-...that's how he sees us...the envy of others because together we physically match some hood ornaments found on expensive foreign autos...ever touch one of those and feel the coolness in your hands?...well there ya go! Even that perfect ars he sports is fridgidare darEairre! HA! That is why I crave the underdog...helping others...always giving, giving, giving...It makes the warmth come back, and I'm human. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I think I'm all that, I'm physically flawed and imperfect and embrace those physical "lacks"...But we're talking A- here...Never have I felt anything but "physical" in his presence.

OK enough of this morbid reading...just wanted you all to have an insight on what my personal struggles are and why I'm seeking spiritual answers...So...no more hiding my shame in believing, only fierce defense in what I KNOW is true...I'm putting the Lord first and handing it over to Him without fear, only sincerity through trust...is that easy???...NOPE...but if there's one thing I've learned in my 41 years...Nothin' worth having is easy gettin'.

Hey Shel (and everybody else!)
Your last message really touched my heart... in more ways than one. I appreciate your kind words to me personally. I certainly don't feel strong or worthy of inspiring others.
I also appreciate your opening your heart and soul to all of us. When we were all snoozing last night, you were on here writing about your heartbreak. You're going through some hard times, but I admire the way you're working so hard to make your school work so you can support your family. That can't be easy! Know that you are loved and prayed for!

Thank you, sincerely, to everyone here. Tho' I ain't so glad to hear we're all going thru tough times, it is encouraging. I know that is somewhat morbid, but it helps knowing there are women struggling with some of the same issues. The older I get the more I realize there is nothing more important in this world than relationships. I'm thankful to be making new ones in this study.

On a true "thank you, Lord Jesus" note...I had a PET scan last Thursday, and the results came back as "unremarkable." Like I told Court, not a word I love to have related to me but I love it in this case! It is the first scan to come back completely normal since I found out I had cancer. I would hope that if it does come back someday I'll praise God even if the results are less "unremarkable." My initial prognosis was not good and I feel blessed far beyond what I deserve.

Hope you are all having a wonderful day!

Yay for Unremarkable Jenn!

HERE's TO UNREMARKABLE!!!!!

Yay! Praise God!

Hi girlies! I'm so appreciative of the openess offered here. Jenn, as you know I wrote on my space how happy I am for your pet results! Thanks so much for bringing this praise to us all on the forum so we can hear good news and share in your joy! What relief you must be enjoying right now. I can only imagine.

Thanks also everyone for indulging me in my desire to relay what God has put on my heart during lesson 1-- I know it was lengthy. And gee, it's only the first lesson..what will we learn and how will it affect us all as we go..can't wait to hear about it! I just know the Lord will continue to reveal the true condition of our hearts and spirit. I am asking Him to "create in me a pure, clean heart" I'm afraid He will do His best to do just that!

Doe, hang in there baby. You ain't no weenie. You know the saying..that He'll never give us more than we can handle. I know my Doe says "bring it!".

Monique... words can't express how grateful I am to have you in my life again and to have you here with us. You are already kicking butt and you ARE an inspiration.

Shel... it hurts to read your words but also it is good to know of the struggles you have faced and are facing w/Anthony. Thank you for your willingness to go there and to share your life. I'm sure each person here will commit to be prayerful for all you are trying to accomplish in order to move forward in life w/out A. You are much more than a physical being and I have little doubt that A will soon find a hole in his being w/out you. Also wanna tell you that I am living off the compliments you've given and have meant to say thank you for puffing me up (anyone else who has as well!). Hang in there baby..my pet!

I love what each of you brings to this. Look for new topic in chit chat now!


Love to all.

Jenn, I'm so happy for you! God is so good!

I love and appreciate you all!