Yes, poor Corky is feeling the irony in it all. But, hey.. "I'll be alright!" Thanks for the puter knowledge of which I am lacking, obviously! Where is save.. where is anything? Why was I born.. blah, blah, blah!! As you well know the sarcasm is a good sign... OH.. and look.. it's G!!! That emoticon matches what I said better than I knew!

Girlies, girlies, girlies!!!

I'm going to offer up a condensed version of my original post from yesterday along with a prayer.. please Lord, let this one post!

If you read Kim's post and were to put my name in there with her's.. that would be befitting since we are similar in where each of us has been lately. I've read through my finished lesson for two weeks now atleast three times. I've prayed, waited and still felt miserable. I even thought I coudn't carry on and do this study with you all and was ready to appoint a new leader feeling unqualified, not fit to return.. in my current state. I have never experienced weeks of unending let-up from hurtful, painful thoughts. I wanted to be alone, wasn't interested in any real communcation with anyone which is not like me. Even when I am down, I usually want and need to communicate. It's like a good thing for my psyche', my well-being to reach out. I have to tell you, that I appreciated each person's desire to care for me and any of you who wrote, asked, called, prayed and played when I wanted to.. it means so much to me! Now, I understand that it is one's choice to remain in a pained state and that I was choosing to disconnect. I don't regret it because even tho it was miserable, it was what I needed to do. I needed to feel the pain of my heart and recognize it's source. Even in trying not to loose my source, the Lord.. I wouldn't let go of my pain and move on. I still think what we learn in a hard time is important albeit uncomfortable but no less important. Still, I waited to snap out of it and yet part of me didn't want to move forward. Have you ever felt that by moving on you are somehow making light of the situation.. like to let it go will mean that it was O.K when it not O.k?! That in part, is how I've felt. Like, I'll just be back here again!

Something really hit me yesterday when I once again, was re-reading the lesson in hopes of inspiration to actually, finally make a post. It was David's way.

Page 114: Number 16. In contrast to the ungodly, David professes his love for holiness and his earnest intent to be pleasing to God. What are some characteristics of godly people found in verses 1, 3-5?

I responded: They seek the Lord in times of need and feel relief after coming to Him in prayer and are heard when praying. They're set apart for God. They can be angry and yet NOT sin! They ponder their hearts. Does wallowing in self-pity and depression count as you ponder?

By choosing the pathway to holiness, David sometimes found himself under attack. Yet, David didn't feel sorry for himself; he wasn't miserable or depressed. (knife!) Then goes onto say that he, David acknowledges the Lord for putting more joy in his heart than anyone or anything ever could.

Number 17. Goes onto say.. According to David's experience, what is the result of loving holiness and rejecting sin? Loving holiness offers more joy!


I've felt pretty joy-less lately. I guess my pondering was really wallowing! I know my desire to love and serve the Lord will sometimes not outweigh the reality of what life dishes out and that I may subcumb to the weight of what I'm experiencing. But, I for sure know He knows and He loves and cares for me no less. I just hope that whatever happens that I can still be a vessel used for His good and His glory.

I have to say also that the put on and put off list really hit me between the eyes. I looked up the Love verses and it is interesting to me that not only is Love the first one on the list but after reading the scriptures is seemingly most importanat to our Lord. In a nutshell: we are to love as He loves us which is stated as "my command to you is.." that is not a request! and our lack of love is a sign to other's that we are not born of God and that He is not in us b/c He IS love. The final verse nailed me. If anyone loves God but hates his brother is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. YIKES! My brother equals; my husband, my neighbor, my friends. Am I loving my brother? Are you? Beyond the many things I checked on the list that show my hearts true condition and makes clear the need for His help to "put on" His holiness and bear the fruit of His spirit living in me is that if I can just start with showing some love, I might make it down the list (on the "put on" side) a little farther!

This was so good in so many ways-- very convicting and I am going white knuckles into Lesson 7 "Obedience: The Acid Test of Love". Let me see if I truly love the Lord like I think and say I do! Can I be obedient dispite my hurts and follow His way into love and bearing fruit? Or will I only be able to offer up sour grapes?! Either way, I'm glad to know I have five other compadres to harvest some goodness with!


Let us remember: Holy people are REAL, behave in certain ways because they love God, are concerned about being pleasing to God-- inside and out, have a heart to love and to serve other, regarless of their socioeconomic status, bow to the authority of Scripture and live radically obedient lives, give themselves unreservedly to God and are patient withothers who are still in the process, have a humble estimation of themselves because God is their standard, base their convictions on the standard of God's word.

You designed all this??? I always knew you were a creative genius, but seriously, this needs to go places! It's awesome!!

Wow, Court... that was the condensed version?

I understand about the "moving on." It's really hard to move on sometimes. I tend to wallow in my depression. I'm quite often un-communicative.

I guess I need to get my bootay in gear and DO lesson 6 so I know what you're talking about there.

Oh my dear girls, I am so glad we have each other!
I just got back from my Grandma's funeral and I have to say it was quite a mixed bag of emotions. Andrew and the kids were great and my Mom and Dad were rather well behaved too...some of my mom's family including one very questionable Aunt were weird but...oh well.
I always interpret holiness as something to strive for because we are just the human beings that we are and I am sure to fall short. I do like the constant messages in the chapters of setting ourselves free by confessing our sins to God and others and setting ourselves free of the shame and guilt that stop us from getting closer to achieving the holiness God wants for us. I read in the chapter that it would like us to obey God in the big and little things in our life and if I have taken anything from the chapter, it is that. I failed miserably the Obedience Quotient test so I guess I have some holiness work to do....don't we all though!
To all of you, I think and pray for you! Love you!

Yea Moni, I guess it wasn't as condensed as I planned at the start! Sorry girls if that was too much information! Maybe, it was more for me than anything else, kwim?!

Doe-girl.. I hope you're having a good day following the emotional day of the service for your grandmama. I'm thinking of you!

Chris.. will your grandma have a service for you to attend out here?! You said that grandpa was not up to having one but your daddy wanted one. What's happened there?

Moni, you too.. did you mom plan one regardless of the evil uncle and his non-plan?! I see on F.B your sister is coming out or came out? Oh and btw.. I did see Stacy Sooroonian on there and b/f you mentioned her I saw the name and was thinking, "how do I know her?!" You brought it all back! Dude, you do know you can ignore people and not add them, don't cha?! I know I'm not keen on being mean like that and haven't yet.. altho, I did wait out a friend confirmation for a couple of weeks once!
Anyway, what did she say?! What in the heck would she want to say!!!

Hope you're all having a great day. I'm going to walk on my treadmill before I have to get the twinzies.. a new effort to put myself back in check!

Chris! I totally worded that in sucha dumby way.. "will your grandma have a service.." I am sure you know I meant.. will there be a service for your grandma! So sorry if that came off as insensitive and ignorant as it WAS!

Courtney--loved that post. Man, I love honesty and soul-sharing. I hope you're doing better now. Yeah? No? The section on David made points with me, too. Another post, maybe? I've already writtten a ton below....

This study keeps getting better and better. I loved the analogy of the bride walking into the church all haggard and how we, or should I say “I” act. It occurred to me that I spend more time getting ready to face the world in the morning than I do in Bible study. I definitely need all that time (!) but how much more my soul needs to be straightened—not just my hair. I confess to living like I’ve forgotten about the wedding, ya know? I start and end some days on empty, and I can feel it.

A little story…I’m looking forward to that day. It is special to me because even as a little girl I wanted to dress up and be the princess for the day. Swear, I used to wish on stars that I could wear a dress like the good witch from the Wizard of Oz. (What is said on the forum STAYS on the forum! Right?) Not too much has changed except maybe the dress! I missed all those girlie things growing up and didn’t have a wedding ceremony. So when the Bible talks about meeting Jesus, and that we’ll be dressed in white—and I’m thinking something sorta pretty, maybe not Wizard of Oz-like, but something I’ll never forget—and it will be something I’ve shared only with Him…something just between us. Dork, I know.

My point is that what if I acted like it was the last dress rehearsal every day? To fit right in with this is Chapter 7, which I’m LOVING! Love is an action word, and it never occurred to me (blonde remember) that the way to demonstrate love to Jesus is to obey Him. I have to admit that outside of the obvious, sometimes I have absolutely no idea what that is. BUT I could live just minute by minute. When I had cancer that was my way of coping when I heard things I didn’t want to hear. Like taking steps, just keep moving forward…pressing on to what lies ahead…to keep the focus on Jesus and not the circumstances. What lies ahead for us is so incredible. Heaven is going to be saaawweeet!

I’m in full dork mode tonight!!!

You are a lovable dork then Jenn! I can see you in your purdy gown already btw.. and if he were to come right now.. this would be me!!!

Jenn, you are so NOT a dork. Seriously, that's the one thing that really struck me about this lesson, too (yes, I finally finished it!). Being the 'bride' of Christ. I, too, spend more time getting ready - putting my face on - to show the world than I do in Bible study, or even in prayer, probably! I don't feel ready for that day!

And, Court, I wasn't commenting on your 'condensed' version as criticism. I hope you know that! I was feeling bad cuz my posts are mostly short. It makes me critical of MYSELF that I'm not spending as much time in thought or in prayer to get THAT much out of the study. Which makes me feel bad again.

I sort of feel like I've back-slid (if that's a word!) to the very beginning of the study - being afraid of letting Him get in and letting my real feelings out. Kwim? It's good to be back into it - it just might take me a minute to get back to where I was.

That checklist of what we should be 'putting off'... yeah, I need to work on so many things!

Dearest Court,
even in your sorrow, you are still the most thoughtful, soul-filled person I know. I wish honestly to pray for you and please know that you are the leader we want and need. Thank you for hanging in there for us and for your post. Love ya!